KY speaks

So I was talking to FA yesterday, and the topic of friendster came up somehow. Being the hotstuff spicey stuff that she is, she gets alot of friendster messages from all sorts of guys. Unfortunately, most of them are Ah Bengs incapable of formulating any coherent thoughts, or mastering the English language. Why she attracts those kind of guys? Well that's a different topic of discussion altogether, and I am hesitant to formulate a theory as I still feel like it's a good thing to have my head attaching to my neck.

Here are the few examples, courtesy of the ever more interesting FA. For you guys, remember, these are the examples of how NOT to write friendster messages, if you want to have any hope.

Exhibit A:
r u real lady or a doll ? u must have come from other planet,God put extra sugar in ur smile, i came from canada but i m here in kl sunway area.,write me abt ur smile pls

Analysis:
From FA: "IT's NOT EVEN CUTE TO A TROLL!"
Advice: Do not be too cheesy, and if you must, at least respect your target's intellectual capacity.

Exhibit B:
Hi, can we as friends??? So our relationship may Improve from time to time (like a fish need Water). Hope u accept mind as best friends in yr Life. Let's my love goes in yr spirit. I care for you;let's us share all (you and me) happiness and burden. Lets us be friends until this end of the world. Can I have yr contact number/MSN/Yahoo Messenger ID? Have a nice day and u so beautiful

Analysis:
From FA: "NO! LOOKS LIKE A RETARD!"
Advice: So, do not freaking write like a retard, learn to use better analogy, and don't assume that you will live to see the end of the world.

Exhibit C:
ello....u sooo cuteeee i would like to add u izzit ok ? actully i dun really konw english my fren
type it for me ger...so can i have your hp no...? most easy way to chat about if cannot nvm or u can send e mail to me ok here my mail dannyloong41@gmail.com (censored-email) hope can get your mail back as soon u can...or better can get your hp number.......miss u byeee hehehe

Analysis:
From FA: "WTF!??!?!?! WTF WTF?!?!", "HIS name is "o my god"
Advice: First, it's bad to ask your friend to type a friendster message for you. Second, if you must, at least make sure your friend can really write in English. Third, naming yourself "o my god" is never a good idea.

Exhibit D:
R u have MSN Messeger ? If u have , add me K? My ID is loveJamesNg@hotmail.com (censored-email, again) Hope can meet u online soon ya .

Analysis:
From FA: "LOVEJAMESNG!! KILL ME NOW!"
Advice: Never, never use such a stupid sounding email address.

Exhibit E:
Hello dear...my name's Shin...how are you?? I'm fine here.. hope you're fine too.. *hugs*.. I just
came across your profile... would like to be friends first, maybe more than that later.. First
of all... let me introduce myself.... I'm 30 from KL....am currently involved in networking biz with friends.. previously was working as an IT consultant... I'm 5'7", short black hair, dark brown eyes, slightly tanned, wear specs, thin and tall.

I love movies, sentimental and instrumental music and reading.. plus snooker, sports and outdoors.. I love nature and enjoy taking strolls while enjoying nature's beauty.... I'm the quiet and sentimental kinda guy....can be quite shy at times....but do know how to have fun after getting to know each other better.. I think that roughly covers the general part of me....If you have anything you want to ask...please do.....I will answer everything truthfully and to the best I can.... *smiles* Please do tell me a general introduction about yourself.... *smiles* I think I have to go now..... will be waiting for your reply... By the way, ..hope to hear from you soon..Bye.. love,

Shin..

Analysis:
From FA: *chokes and dies*
Advice: I feel lucky that this guy is no longer in IT field. I'd die if I have to read the documentation he writes..

Conclusion:
So, a very big thank you to FA, we shall learn from this. If any of you wish to leave a "frienster style message" to her. Please do so in the comment, she might be interested you know. Since it is pretty much impossible to write anything worse than the examples, you probably stand a decent chance.
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