KY speaks

Name the single cause that satisfy the following three phenomenon:

• Grass grows too long
• Tooth ache
• Unplanned pregnancy

drop down for answer ..
too late in pulling out



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Many of you have undoubtedly came across the term "Mat Salleh". While most Malaysian knows that Mat Salleh refers to caucasian male, many does not have a slightest clue as to the origin of the term. Of course, yours truely will now don square hat and attempt to educate the nescient public.

disclaimer: this information is drawn from word of mouth and online sources with no academic backup whatsoever, and of course, a bit of fill-in-the-blank by me.

The term Mat Salleh has been documented for well over a hundred years in the Malaya Peninsula and the Borneo island. A entry to the Timeline to The Rise of The Melacca Empire

1895-1905: The Mat Salleh Rebellion in North Borneo

Now, long before people residing in this part of the world speaks the western languages, contact with caucasians were aplenty, especially around the various habours such as the once great, but now reduced to 'a place with delicious chicken rice balls', Melacca.

The caucasians were mostly sailors. Like all sailors who live on the ship for months on end, liberation (liquor, women, party) were the norm whenever they dock. To the locals, they looked like a bunch of mad men, always drunk and usually acted silly.

The locals spoke the Malay language, and when one of them heard another English speaking referring those caucasians as "Mad Sailors", he tried his best to learn that term.. and inevitably prounounced it wrongly as "Mat Salleh". The term stuck till now.

If this story hasn't convinced you enough, please check out a recent picture of this Mat Salleh and tell me if he does not look like a mad sailor here.


p/s: i still love you, ST
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Here's another simple quiz as a food for thought.

Assumption: If you bite and apple and see a worm, it's scary. However, if you bite an apple and find 2 worms, it's scarier than just one.

Question: How many worms would make the scariest scene after you have the fateful bite down the evil fruit that Adam loved to hate?

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Ah, yet another Monday, so here’s a story to help cure the blue.

Once upon a time 3 geeks (the likes of yours truly) and 3 graphic artists (someone like jbasil) had to go on a trip from KL to Penang. They’ve decided to take the train.

At the station, the graphic guys bought three tickets, but noticed that the geeks only paid for one. They inquired the geeks for the strange behavior, and the answer was “You’ll know later”

All six of them boarded the train. The locomotive started moving. Moments later, when sensing the conductor approaching their cart, the three geeks went into the toilet.

The conductor came, and verified everyone’s tickets, including the graphic artists, and then knocked on the toilet door.

“Ticket please.” the geeks handed out the single ticket they had from behind the door. It was verified, and then the conductor left.

“Nice trick, we shall do that on the way back.” said the graphic artists.

After their fruitful and foodful trip up north. It was time to head back to KL.

At the train station, having learnt from the wisdom from us geeks, the graphic artists wisely bought only a single ticket for all 3 of them.

The geeks, however, went one step ahead and didn’t even buy any ticket.

“Dude, you guys don’t even get a ticket this time?” asked the curious artists.

“You’ll know later.” was again the answer from the geeks.

They went on the train, and before the conductor came, the graphic artists went into the one toilet, with their smiling face and the great sense of euphoria knowing they were going to pull this out. The geeks went into another toilet in the same cart.

Right when the conductor was at the next cart, a geek came approached the toilet where the graphic artists were hiding and knocked

“Ticket check please,” imitating the conductor.

A hand appeared from behind the door and happily handed the geek their only ticket.
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Here is a simple quiz for you to crack your head with.

A coconut falling from 15 feet to your head, and a durian falling from 8 feet to your head, which one would be more painful?

As usual, the l33t mouseover move will reveal the correct answer!



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Here's a little snippet from #malaysia channel at dalnet between Faggot, with the nick of BeetchSlapMe, and Hateher, with the nick [Arwen]. By the way, doubtless would be me.

Hint: they don't like each other very much.

[22:51] [BeetchSlapMe] u need a bitch slap [Arwen]
[22:51] [@Suresh] [Arwen], i'm not so analytical
[22:51] [+[Arwen]] i slap son of bitches only
[22:51] [BeetchSlapMe] u dare to slap?
[22:51] [BeetchSlapMe] u dont even dare to say a simple hello
[22:51] [RavingRaven|] Arwen...do u slap balls of bastards?
[22:51] [BeetchSlapMe] somemore wanna slap people?
[22:52] [BeetchSlapMe] suck my balls la cibais
[22:52] [BeetchSlapMe] certain people only dare to talk cock in irc
[22:53] [+[Arwen]] too coward to use his own nick
[22:53] [+[Arwen]] ego and cowardice
[22:53] [BeetchSlapMe] talking about ego?
[22:53] [BeetchSlapMe] BS
[22:53] [BeetchSlapMe] GFY
[22:54] [@beccs] OoOo so fiesty
[22:54] [BeetchSlapMe] take the fucking terung and stuffs it in your fucking brown kebab
[22:54] [@doubtless] LOL
[22:54] [@Suresh] brown KEBAB?
[22:54] [+[Arwen]] Damien, i look at the stars, the stars are beautiful, then i turn to look at you, i'd rather look at the stars again
[22:54] [+[Arwen]] now u know why i never chat with u
[22:55] [BeetchSlapMe] u think i wanna chat with u?
[22:55] [+[Arwen]] unless u can turn in ur grave
[22:55] [BeetchSlapMe] ill kiss my fucking dragon cock man
[22:55] [BeetchSlapMe] ewww
[22:55] [@doubtless] lol.
[22:55] [BeetchSlapMe] if i were to chat with u
[22:55] [@doubtless] 2 sorhais chatting with each other about why don't don't chat with each other.
[22:55] [+[Arwen]] wow someonee just called his cock DRAGON
[22:55] [@doubtless] IRC is incredible
[22:55] [+[Arwen]] PTUI!
[22:55] [@kaikon] hahahaa
[22:55] [@kaikon] cibai
[22:55] [BeetchSlapMe] haha
[22:55] [sexwithsis] haha
[22:56] [+[Arwen]] ky .|.
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In line with the festive season that is the Chinese New Year, lets have a little quiz that is in fact relevant.

Q: What is the mystical animal that have a head, a tail, and 4 balls?
hint: you probably have seen one, either on TV or in real life, and it won't kill you.


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Ever been to a mamak stall, ask for Maggie mee goreng, the friendly mamak waiter answered you, but it was too noisy and all you got to see was his signature head shakes and you are left with no freaking clue if that was a yes or a no?

You are in luck today, after extensive research and several consultation sessions with proper Tamil friends, I have come up with the answer. The ultimate decryption on the most complicated head shaking culture on earth.

Concentrate when the friendly mamak shakes his head, there are actually 2 different ways. First, as the graphic below points out, the “Type A” shake, the dude actually pivots his nose and swings his chin and forehead in the OPPOSITE direction. When the chin goes left, the forehead goes right, and vice versa. This, my friend, is a YES

Now, “Type B”, when the neck is the pivot. The mamak dude will swing his whole head left and right. Pretty much like the prevailing culture’s normal gesture for a NO. It is that simple. Now you wonder why the heck you never thought of it.

Moral of the lesson:

• Shake = yes
• Swing = no
• My drawings are just so cool

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This is a true story that happened during one frigid Minnesota winter night on early 1999.

I was a student in Bemidji State University then, staying in the hostel, my roommate was this huge Bangladesh dude name Masud. (pictures later)

We bought a bottle of tequila, and drank it the way it’s meant to with lemon and salt, it was some good stuff. I had about a quarter of the bottle, and Masud had the rest of it.

After the bottle we finished the bottle , and I puked, we decided to go to Perkins, a 24-hour restaurant, in an attempt to sober up and refill my stomach. I remembered Masud going to the toilet, and returning to the table, then he ate again. My mind wasn’t working very well. None of ours were.

Half an hour later, we drove back to the dorm. Parked the car, it was still snowing, the temperature was about –30C or something insane like that.

Walking out of the car.

“Damn, why is it so cold?” said Masud.

“Hey! Where is my pants?” yelled Masud.

Apparently the big dude forgot to put his pants on in the toilet and left it at Perkins, sat there for another half an hour with his underwear (consult the photo) and sweater while eating, and came back with the car without realizing.

Moral of the story:

• Tequila goes well with salt and lemon
• Tequila can knock you down
• Always remember to put on your pants after going to the toilet

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Due to popular demand by the likes of Kimberly and FireAngel, I have decided to exercise my creativity and artistic skill to once again revisit anatomy of female hygienic practice, and propose a pragmatic way for improvement. So here we go, a lesson in pee standing for those without the manly tool.

Note: Post is graphical, parental advisory

How many times have you gals went to a public toilet, just to find that it’s so filthy and unhygienic that you would rather wish you are a guy? With the “modern toilet”, squatting “Type B” on the elevated bowl is rather difficult and challenging. Necessity is the mother of all invention, so here goes –

HOW TO PEE STANDING (FEMALE and post-operative shemale)

The wrong way

Do not, I repeat, do not ever just imitate a guy to pee standing. YOU CAN’T aim! Consult the graphic below so I can save some disturbing descriptions. You will simply make a big mess.

The right way

1. If you don’t smoke, find a friend who does, and ask him or her for the used cigarette box, hard pack preferred.
2. Rip off the cover, and also the bottom
3. Fit the bottom to your opening while standing like a man in front of the toilet bowl, aim
4. Fire away, adjust aiming if you miss, or if you see them roaches starting to creep up

I hope you find this educational.

Moral of the lesson:

• If you don’t have the right tool, do not attempt the impossible
• Smokers are your friends
• My artistic skill is the pwn

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Ladies and gentlemen, I am your substitute teacher, Mr. KY, and the topic for today is “the proper stance for female using old school squatting toilet”

As we all know, Malaysia, as a third-world country, retains many legacy systems in our daily lives. While some are a form of blessing, others sometimes prove to be a source of exercise in frustration. One of the blessings is of course, the old school toilet bowl.

Now, there are many benefits to the old school toilets. Let me iterate them in an easy-to-read point form:

• Leg exercise
• No splashing when shitting
• Easy to clean
• Nostalgic value
• Your dogs can even use it (beat that, new toilet!)

For guys, assuming you still have the tool you are born with, follow the same way, except replace sitting with squatting. Hence the title specify “female”, you know I am not sexist now don’t you?

For female, I have drawn up some graphics to show you how to use it properly. Please do not be astonished by my natural talent in painting, I know I am that good.

First, let us examine the difference between the two toilet systems. On your left is the new invention we can leave without, and on the right, is our beloved legacy system.

Now, the real lesson begins. Listen carefully you gals. To pee, please use the all-powerful “Type A” method. The advantages are:

• Shoot direct to the hole, less cleaning required later
• A chance to practice your shooting skills like a man
• A chance to shoot the roaches that are creeping up
• Enjoy looking at graffiti on the wall

It gets exciting now. To shit, commence the all-interesting “Type-B” method. The advantages are:

• Shit straight to the hole, less cleaning required alter
• A chance to practice your shitting aim
• A chance to bomb the roaches that are creeping up
• Enjoy looking at graffiti on the door

You must have thought that the lesson is finished by now. But wait, there is more. When you are peeing, and suddenly decided to shit, swiftly change from “Type-A” to “Type-B” immediately, to enjoy all 8 distinct advantages! However, after my intense research, it is found that gals are not advisable to switch from “Type-B” to “Type-A” when shitting, and suddenly decided to pee. The most common reason being that one might shit again after peeing, and it’ll be too much of an occupational hazard to switch too many times in one session.

Moral of the lesson:

• Keep our toilets clean
• Kill them roaches
• I am cool

Class dismiss!

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This is the first post, and already I screwed up, having written the entire post and accidentally hit the wrong button and erased it all. Double work now, and hopefully I get the gist back.

Instead of pounding you with the thoughts I have in my mind for the better part of the last century, lets share something light, something easier to digest.

Last Saturday, faggot and I went to Chow Yang restaurant at ss2 for dinner. Now faggot is a Baba, though legally Chinese, his command of any Chinese dialects falls short of ST’s Malay.

I ordered wanton mee, and faggot went off to order his own dish from another stall.

Upon coming back, faggot was beaming with confidence and said “Dude, it’s so easy to order here, I only needed to say 3 words ‘uncle, hokkien mee yat woon, thank you’.” He looked so happy.

Never mind that was actually 7 words. So we then ordered our drinks and started waiting, and let me give you this exciting time-line.

5 min: my food came, faggot waiting for his food

20 min: I finished my food, faggot waiting for his food

30 min: more hot chicks walked by, faggot waiting for his food

35 min: I started the inevitable conversation

“Dude, they forgot your order?” I asked.

“Yeah I think so” Faggot replied.

“Go remind them then.”

“Nay, it’s ok.”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Yeah, but it’s ok.”

Then it struck me, faggot ran out of vocabulary in Cantonese to reorder.

Moral of the story –

1. Learning a language just to know how to order is not good enough, you have to learn to complain when your food takes too long to arrive.
2. Just fucking ask me to re-order it for you instead
3. Ego + shyness = starvation

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